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Note:
Ladies Secret is no longer operating, but I liked Grandma's
take on this ad, so I've left it... and just put a link to For
The Girls. *Evil laugh*
Is this
really Russell Crowe?
Well, no my
dearies, and I can tell you why. I used to babysit the lad back
when Fenwick and I lived in Coffs Harbour. And didn't the little
bugger like to run around naked on the front lawn?
I'd be trying
to tidy the yard, and he'd be wielding his little wooden sword
and shouting "Unleash Smell!" at passers by, before
letting rip with some of the loudest examples of flatulence
I've ever heard. It did the roses no good, I can tell you that
now.
Well, anyway,
he had a particularly noticeable birthmark on his private bits
and this is how I know he hasn't taken up posing nude for Ladies
Secret. The man in this ad, and in this gallery, appears to
have no distinguishing aspects to his genitals at all. Apart
from the fact that his penis is enormous, of course.
And despite
the fact that Ladies Secret has no apparent nude photos of Russell
Crowe, it did have so many good looking naked young men that
I clean forgot about watering the roses and had to use up all
the batteries on Old Buzzy in the bedroom.
Quite exhausting,
I can tell you!
Now that Ladies
Secret has closed down, I recommend you go looking for Russel
Crowe lookalikes at For
The Girls. You never know your luck.
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It's a little known fact that if a woman's inner labia poke
out, it means either that she has a very large sex drive, or
that she's been lifting weights with her lower lips. Often both.
Ah the suspender belt. Men love the sort that show a lot of
thigh. I used to have the best suspender belt in town. It showed
all the thigh. The straps went all the way down to the ankles.
You could wear a pair of socks with that belt, you could.
Did you know a man's Epididymus - it's inside, near the testicles
lovey - that bit closely resembles my boiled tripe and
cabbage? It's a funny old world, isn't it?
Pornographic films, internet sex, pah! In my day all we had
was the wireless radio. Had to use your imagination, you did.
It was all moans and groans, with an ad for Rinso in between.
Many a night my dear husband Fenwick, God rest his soul, and
I would sit by the fire and listen to sex on the wireless. Livened
up my knitting, it did. Mind you, it could be confusing. One
night I tuned into static and had the most mind blowing orgasm.
Another time Orson Welles put on a major production that had
half the country convinced he was having sex with the Martians.
Let me tell you this: it's not a man's nose or feet that tell
you the length of his penis. It's how he ties his shoes. Big
loopy knots are a winner, lovey. If he's using velcro, just
go home.
There is little difference between a circumcised and uncircumcised
man. Except when cleaning the toilet floor.
Shakespeare mentions the wet patch in Sonnet 298 when he says
"The silent seep, O, lovers sleep in sticky leavings."
The Germans refer to the wet patch as: scherfengerfenhoffergack.
This translates as "sticky cool damp area between the buttocks
which never ends up where it really belongs."
In early times the clitoris used to be referred to as Yummlickenbit,
which roughly translates as: "that bit at the top of a
woman's open pubic lips". The Catholic church subsequently
changed the name to "clitoris" so no-one would know
where it was.
Contribute
your own sex facts!
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Note: This site is now defunct. Please visit For The Girls Instead!
Yes, this
is a blatant ad. But I do rather like it, dearies. Do you think
he's trying to tell us something? What is it boy? What? Jimmy's
in the well...?
I should
let you know right now that Womens
Porno wins as far as value for money goes. A trial membership
lasts for 3 days and costs $2.95... but the best thing is that
you then get FREE ACCESS to 21 other porn sites.
My pension
doesn't go far, so I was quite pleased with this deal. Just
for curiosity sake I went over to Fetish Hospital... it was
rather extreme, I must say. I watched a video of a woman having
sex with a metre-long blue dildo... her expression was a little
hard to describe, but the doctors inserting the thing seemed
to find it quite a lot of fun.
It brought
to mind a rather nasty experience I had in hospital, after Fenwick
and I experimented with a particularly impressive German sausage...
Well, anyway
dears, Womens
Porno is a very large site, and if you're curious about
what goes on in paysites, this is probably the one to try, because
you get to find out what all those dirty men are looking at
as well.
Note: This site is now defunct. Please visit For The Girls Instead! |
