Grandma Scrotum's Sex Tips

Male Celebrities

Naked Celebrities

I once saw a naked celebrity, and I remember the moment to this very day. The fact that it was Errol Flynn, and I shared that moment with a hundred other people doesn't diminish the intimacy of that moment.

I believe he was escaping from a cuckolded husband at the time. Swung out the window he did, stark naked, hanging from the curtain. Then whoosh, he swung over and jumped onto a nearby awning, his manhood dangling in the breeze, after which he executed a perfect triple somersault and landed right in front of me, knocking off my pillbox hat.

Naturally he was a gentleman and bent down to pick it up, and it was at that point that I had a stroke. Didn't wash my hand for a week afterwards.

In any case, your best chance of checking out male celebrity packages is through Male Celebrities. This site has paparazzi photos of a plethora of popular celebs, including Brad Pitt, David Duchovny, Bruce Willis, George Clooney, Leonardo deCaprio, Pierce Brosnan and Harrison Ford.

Sure, they don't come within a whisker of Errol Flynn, but they do have the advantage of being alive, which must count for something.

A girl gets nowhere in this world without a good bucket or two of lilac-scented baby powder. Especially into a size 8 latex jumpsuit.

When about to give oral sex, always make sure you've put a good doiley down first. Impressions count, dearie

Now if you're thinking about using a strap-on to penetrate your man, I have only this to say: check him for worms while you're at it. A good dose of Cod Liver Oil should fix him up a treat, you see if it doesn't.

Lubrication can sometimes be a problem. I recommend a great spoonful of beef dripping. That's all we had in the war, and right glad of it we were too.

Now I know a lot of you are interested in lingerie. Bloody flimsy French twaddle if you ask me, all fiddles and lace and la-de-da. But you must pay attention to me, dearie. You must think GUSSET. It's no use being a sex goddess draped in light if you've got no support. I've always said crotchless panties should have strong gussets.

Anal sex. Now there's an onion in the ointment. I've discussed this with the ladies in my crochet group and we're all convinced that if God had wanted us to have anal sex, he'd have given us two bumholes. Can't think why we decided that now, but there it is. My only advice is, if you must have anal sex, do not eat baked beans with boiled cabbage beforehand.

My mother always told me: do not use your vagina as a coin purse. It makes running for the bus difficult, and paying for it darn near impossible.

If you are playing little hidey-seeky, chasey sex games, I'm only going to tell you once: don't run with scissors. The Bobbits didn't listen to my advice, and look what happened to them.

Contribute your own sex tips.


Men! Aren't they funny things, my dears? They just can't wait to show us their doodles, it seems. Give them any opportunity and whoosh! it's out for all to see and admire!

At For The Girls they have these hilarious Strip Search videos, where everyday gentlemen do their best to strip naked and dance in their own living rooms. They try their hardest, but these boyos would never fill a theatre, even in my day when all we had for entertainment was a  banana and our own imagination. If you loved the Full Monty, then you'll laugh harder at these videos.

And then there are the amateur guys who send in their pics, keen for ladies to check out their wedding tackle. My word, they do try hard, don't they?

In any case, I do recommend you visit For The Girls, if only to read my fascinating sex advice column. And while you're there you can enjoy all those nudey men and couples photos...

Click here to see amateur strippers at For The Girls

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